life changing love

maybe i was wrong to swallow all the hurtful things.
maybe i shouldn't have let you say what you did.
maybe i could stand up for myself more.
maybe.. so many maybes..

the fact is that you changed my life. turned me into someone different.
you will always be special to me.

with change comes confusion. identity. who am i? what have i become?
i no longer want to know. i'm just trying to survive.
release is better than suffering in silence. each bucket of tears help me regain sanity.

so much reminds me of you. i miss you most when i mop the floor and wash my fan.
it's so stupid. but the past is irreversible. though i would go back and do it differently.

universe shaking. you turned my world around.
thank you for being so caring, understanding, comforting and loving when you could.
i really love and appreciate everything that you did for me. you taught me so much.

you're not perfect. i'm not perfect.
i choose not to make the same mistakes. i'm sorry i choose me over you.

i know you will be alright. as bleak and dark as it seems now, i will reach a day of light again.

why

is this happening to me again.

thesamepatternknitwork

the days feel long, the nights.. longer
the waking is like being asleep and i'm in eternal slumber
this familiar place, the same junction i've seen,
i'm standing alone. lost. looking for my compass
where once was you, now a spirit, lost in between dimensions
with a veil we can't look across and physical space we can't traverse

laughless, the days pass with forced smiles

i really might give up after this. i really might crumble. i really might lose myself again.
i'm trying so hard to stay grounded. cut those wings and don't let me fly